Hello and welcome to The Mental Health Hotline

If you are a Obsessive Compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paraniod, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.
If you have Low Self Esteem, hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

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